It's officially a week into October... DV Awareness Month has kicked off and I have already been busy out in the H-town community giving trainings, particularly to professionals, about the dynamics of DV & how to respond with empathy, knowledge, and respect if someone discloses violence in their relationship. So thought I'd share a lil of the basics here!

First off - What is Domestic Violence/Intimate Partner Violence?

The all-formal-bout-it way to define - A pattern of behaviors by one partner to create a current of terror (makes their partner AFRAID of them) in the effort to maintain power and control (their ultimate goal) in an intimate relationship (such as marriage, dating, family, cohabitation). Some (but not all) of the tactics perpetrators may use include emotional/psychological abuse, sexual violence, physical violence, isolation, intimidation, threats & coercion, minimizing&denying&blaming, using children, gender privilege, and reproductive coercion. 
Again... Not a comprehensive list of all the tactics a perpetrator might use to maintain control, but some of the pervasive ones we see.


So who does this happen to?

Welp. Anyone. It does not matter your age, economic status, race, religion, education, sexual orientation, etc. That's the scary part - its not happening to those people over there, its happening to the people we love. Millions of our friends, family, neighbors, members of our communities experience DV in the United States every year. Across the nation, crisis hotlines answer around 25,000 calls PER DAY & those of course are just the individuals who are ready to make or able to make that call. Is DV a gendered crime? It absolutely is. 85% of victim/survivors in the U.S are female and the 15% includes individuals in LGBT relationships and men abused by women.

So "Why don't they just leave?"

Ah, yes. This lovely question. And I don't blame people for asking this one - it comes from the world around us, everything we've been taught about violence being acceptable, and the fact that it can be extremely DIFFICULT to face the facts that maybe we've perpetrated violence in some way? Or maybe someone we love or care about has? Easier to say "God, why don't they just leave?", "If I was in that situation, I wouldn't stand for that!" "What's wrong with her" and so on and so forth... Thus allowing for the cultural acceptance of violence to continue and the victim/survivor to be further and further isolated. No bueno. And damn, shaming victim/survivors is not how we are going to solve this epidemic.

So anywho, the answer. The barriers are stacked up high for victim/survivors when they are trying to leave.

• Perpetrators work day in and day out to make sure that victim/survivors CAN NOT leave - the manipulation, degradation, isolation, insults, & threats are ever present 
• They are terrified of what might happen to them or their children if they do leave & these threats can be very scary and very real. Leaving = perpetrator losing that control & they are not too pleased about losing something they put in all that effort to get. The victim's chances of being killed increases when they have just left or are leaving - it is a very dangerous time. On average, 3 women die per day at the hands of their current or former intimate partner. 
• If you hear terrible things about yourself every.single.day... you start to believe those things, including that the abuse is your fault. I created the abuse so I can also stop it.. 
• Left in a financial situation that makes it impossible to survive without the perpetrator 
• LOVE for this individual... who was not like this in the beginning, who has a good, kind side, who the victim/survivor cares for very much, and who has promised repeatedly they will change. No one wants abuse or violence in their relationship, but that doesn't mean they want the relationship to end - Just for the violence to stop and to feel safe in their relationship or in their home.

And there are so many more... peer, family, or cultural pressure, distrust of the police/systems, legal status, fear of being alone, unresolved history of trauma, shame/guilt, wanting to keep a family unit in tact, fear of being outed, denial... 

Some ideals that NEED to be challenged that ALLOW domestic violence/gender-based violence to continue: 

• Power over others - systems of oppression, racism, sexism, homophobia, classism, ableism, lack of perpetrator accountability 
• Violence being acceptable - totally okay form of conflict resolution 
• Limited notions of masculinity - only one way to be a "real man", "boys will be boys" rigid gender socialization
• Limited notions of femininity - sexism, objectification/dehumanization of women 
• Privacy and silence - private matter, stays inside the home, DON'T TALK ABOUT IT 

This is my smooshed down, lickity-split version of a complex issue but an issue that we can create social change around, we can stand up and say no more to, and one we definitely need to support the survivors of. 

Peace&Love, 

On October 1st. Rock your purple outfits and nails this month!


U.S National DV Hotline 1-800-799-7233 or TTY 1-800-787-3224
My work (Houston Area  Women's Center) line (713) 528-2121

3 Years... Hello there!

           

“I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.”

At Houston Area Women Center's 2015 Race Against Violence with my friend Chynna 

      A lot has happened in my life since I last posted on here . . . A duh, Jordan, that's obvious because almost 3 years have passed! Today I was thinking about stuff that I want to accomplish and goals I want to set for myself, and I thought Huh.. Remember that time I tried writing a blog!?

     So I just read all of my posts and was thinking Yes... I could get back into this. I regret not writing as I've been doing all of the work, reading, watching, learning, and growing in the anti-violence movement. But hell, no day like the present right? Also, it's kind of neat to look back and see where I was at the time.

     Since then I worked full time as an advocate at a domestic violence and sexual assault crisis shelter and got to work directly with clients who were actively fleeing violence. It was an incredibly valuable experience but also one that lead me to the job I currently have, as a Violence Prevention Educator with the Houston Area Women's Center. Sister agencies, but with HAWC being much larger and having more resources ($$) it allows for there to be a whole prevention team. I loved working directly with victim/survivors... but prevention work was always calling me back (thank you U of I Community Health, hehe) especially after hearing horrific story after story from my clients I always saw the stories connected to one another and to the bigger picture of our culture of violence and silence.

Story after story. Each so different. But also each one very much the same. Prevention work allows us to look at the BIG picture. These violent acts (emotional, physical, sexual, financial, spiritual & more) are not unconnected. Each individual survivor, affected family, or perpetrator is connected by the societal beliefs that create an environment where so many of us experience violence.

I will continue to write on here about all sorts of related topics and share books, movies, articles, but always doing so from a prevention (specifically primary prevention) focus. Below want to share the ups and downs from Allan Creighton and Paul Kivel

                               JOURNEY OF PREVENTION WORK, HOORAY!! 

Pre-training mirror picture? Sure! 

Barriers - Oppression                                        
              - Privilege
              - Guilt/Resentment

               - Internalized oppression                  
              - Backlash
              - Anger of a target group


Rewards - Learning your own strength
               - Stepping out of internalized                                    oppression
               - Collaboration
                - Gaining understanding of reality
                - Witnessing transformation
                - HOPE

So that Douglas Adams quote from above is pretty indicative of my life right now. Non-profit work is always busy, busy. busy but I really do think the work I'm doing will just zip by and I won't remember it (Hell, that's already happened in the last 3 years) and I want to take the time to remember.

And for old times sake... Peace, Love, & Condoms,
Jordan

"My Rapist Doesn't Know He's a Rapist." 

And just for giggles! =] 

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt 

LePeaceLeLoveLeCondoms

                        Hey Kids! I'm Back! Havn't posted in a while and miss it mucho.

            I think I purposely stayed away from the bloggisphere  during election time (just observing this year, reading, thinking) but I must share this one with ya'll. This is Tulsi Gabbard, America's first Hindu Congresswoman. She won her election bid this week in Hawaii and will be the first person in congress EVER to take the Oath of Office over the Bhagavad Gita. Let's keep diversifying and expanding who is representing us in this country!

On that note, the other week I had the privilege of meeting and chatting with for a little bit, Sharon Griffin, the Owner/Founder of Griffin Girls Publishing, here in Houston. Her company's montra is "Encouraging girls to defy the odds by dreaming big and beyond color, gender, stereotypes, geography, stigmas and much more!"
Griffin is an up and coming children's author whose first book, When I Grow Up: A Little Girl's Big Boy Dreams is amazing! The book depicts young girls looking towards their future and realizing they can do anything they want to do... including and ESPECIALLY male-dominated jobs.

Here's the Cover! 

And here's a link to her website!!!

And because today is my first day back and I'm in the mood for a lot of pictures... A quote I liked from the film Miss Representation to go along with our theme for today. 

                  A huge shoutout to all the women out there doing what they love and encouraging their daughters to be what they want to be!
                 Another shoutout to my Madre who did that exact thing for me.

                                       Peace, Love, and Condoms!

Yeah.... Let's not keep putting these people in office. 

 
                                                                        No it is not. 

Give those kids the sex ed they deserve!

LOVE  THIS!  Had to share! 

Abstinence only sex-ed is (cough cough duh) FAILING! Awesome Chart from publichealthdegree.com that gives some numbers. 

Sadly, my new state of Texas is leading the charge as the worst of the worst. More than 96% of school districts in Texas teach abstinence only AND Texas has the highest teen birth-rate in the nation. AH! Out of every 1,000 girls, 62 give birth to a child! These numbers could easily be CHANGED! WITH WHAT? SEX ED! 

And in case you missed it a few months back.... Rick Perry's FB bombarded by all sorts of women's health questions... hehehe Check it out in the link below. 
Who else thinks our politicians need to stop stepping in as "expert physicians" !? 

YOU MUST SEE THIS!  

Peace Love and Condoms! 
(not telling middle and high schools kids about safe sex doesn't mean they won't have sex!! It just means they won't have the knowledge to make safe, healthy choices that will prevent STDS and unintended pregnancies! I think you know why I said this directly after peace, love, and condoms! haha!) 

Oh wait I have more condom talk for you! Last week at NY Fasion Week Christian Siriano launched his line with Proper Attire condoms. 
                      They're modern. They're fashionable. They're required for entry. 

Aren't they lovely!? 

Okay now SERIOUSLY. Peace Love and Condoms!